I've been thinking about starting a blog for awhile now. I'm in graduate school, married, struggling with a few medical issues, and trying to figure out the meaning of life. Well, not the actual meaning, but I'm trying to prioritize what I want to be doing right now and what I need to be doing right now. I'm off of work on short term disability and really don't want to go back. That's not entirely my choice; my MD has a bigger say than I do. I'm dealing with chronic depression: I'm not suicidal or anything, but it just seems that no matter what I do, I feel "gray." Nothing really has any color anymore and hasn't for some time. I've been off of work since 07-28-09 and was doing better in August when I was going to a local hospital for daily outpatient therapy and skill building, etc. It's a great program but now that I've got all of this unstructured time, I'm slipping. I was getting up at 8am to be at the hospital by 9:30am and today I got up at 9:30am. I'm compliant with all of my medications and get tasks done around the house (including all of the homework I have to complete) but I don't feel any "umph." Sometimes I feel that if I just slipped away no one would notice. Of course I know my family and friends would notice - not to mention my dog Peanut whom I adore and who adores me right back. (Check out his photo on my blog site.) PMS doesn't help matters any. I would kill for a good referral for a hysterectomy. I don't have any kids and have never wanted any so take my uterus please!! My husband doesn't believe me when I tell him any OBGYN worth his/her reputation won't take out perfectly good organs; he thinks because we have insurance and this is what I want, the doctor should do it. He's naive that way.
So today is installment one. Since I have the time, I might as well put my thoughts down in cyber space for all of humankind to read.