Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Day 2

My computer was out of commission yesterday and I feel completely out of touch and somehow "behind" in the world. How dependent am I on technology? It fills my free-time because yesterday I actually did the dishes out of sheer boredom. Then of course there's the school work that I'm a day behind on.

I'm taking an on-line class for the first time ever. It's Career Counseling & Development which doesn't interest me a whole lot in terms of my future career, but I understand that there's a lot of career development questions on the National Counselor's Exam and it's a required course for graduation. One of the requirements for the on-line class is that I log in and comment on other students' posts at least 3 times a week which is odd to me since I've never met any of these people face-to-face. I feel like a voyeur a lot of the time...but that's the whole idea of Facebook and blogging, isn't it?

Maybe it was due to the lack of access to technology yesterday, but regardless, my anxiety was out of control. It felt like my hair was on fire. I didn't actually have enough energy to start cleaning the basement, but my mind was spinning for a good hour. Once I latch on to a thought, I can't let it go. I know there are skills from various therapeutic theories that I could practice, but when my world is turning off its axis I can't seem to pull myself out of that in order to do a Thought Record, though challenge, or whatever other skill I could be practicing. I guess that's really where the rubber meets the road in terms of deciding what I want to do: Do I want to watch myself go crazy or do I want to stop it and try something else? Obviously today is a better day because yesterday, in the midst of the storm, I couldn't see any options. It feels incredibly restricting and feels like I don't have any options. Then I have a better day like today and I feel frustrated for not making a better choice yesterday! It's a never ending circle of helplessness and despair.

But today's a better day. Enjoy.

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