How I Spent My Summer Vacation

This is the last night of my summer vacation. I start a new, full time, outpatient therapist job tomorrow, Monday, 08/10/2026. The last day I worked was 02/20/2026 which is A LOT of time. So here's what I did.

I was unemployed for a total of 22 weeks, that's roughly 110 workdays Monday through Friday. I applied for at least 84 jobs. I say "at least" because unemployment requires four work searchs per week and there were weeks when I applied for more, but only reported the required four. Unemployment doesn't give you extra credit if you apply for more.

I had 14 in-person or final virtual interviews. At one agency I had 4 interviews and still didn't get hired. Living in Green Bay, the farthest I traveled for an interview was Oshkosh in early May. I really liked the Clinical Director and Clinical Supervisor I met with on a Monday and as the Supervisor was walking me out, she said, "You'll be hearing good things from us by Friday." Surprisingly I received the following email on Thursday, keep in mind this is all within the same week:

Hi Kristine,

Thank you again for your interest in the MH position and for taking the time to speak with us throughout the interview process. We were very impressed with your experience, professionalism, and the qualities you would bring to the role.

Unfortunately, in the short time between our last communication and reconnecting with candidates today, [company name] underwent some restructuring at another location. As part of an effort to support and retain current staff, the decision was made to fill the MH position with an existing employee. Because of this unexpected change, we are no longer able to move forward with the position as originally planned.

Please know this decision is not a reflection of you as a candidate. You were among our top candidates, and we truly believe you would be a valuable addition to any team. We sincerely appreciate the time and interest you invested with us throughout the process.

With your permission, we would love to keep your information on file should circumstances change or another opportunity become available in the future. We would be grateful for the opportunity to reconnect if the need arises.

So that was a kick in the teeth. My second in-person interview was in Green Bay in mid-March. After the interview on Monday, the Lead Clinician walked me through the office and introducted me to other staff and gave me a benefits folder to take with me. I was told the "next steps" (I could happily live the rest of my life without ever hearing that phrase again) would be receiving an email by Friday with "next step" in the interview process. Surprisingly, I received this email on Wednesday:

Dear Kristine,

Thank you for taking the time to interview for the Substance Use Therapist (Psychotherapist) position.

At this time, we have decided to move forward with other candidates that better fit our organization/department needs.

We encourage you to keep an eye out for new jobs as we are continually growing, and we wish you the best of luck in your job search.   

Sincerely,

Human Resources

I have no idea what in the hell happened in those 48 hours but wowzers that stung. I wish I had learned this lesson sooner than I did, but by the end of May I had been looking for work for 3 months and after every interview which would be used by the agency to make their final decision, I was so psyched because in my mind, I nailed the interview, I was clear and concise answering their questions, and I made a good impression given my experience and variety of clients I've worked with. This was going to be "the one".

I had to scale my expectations WAAAAAY back. I developed a "meh" attitude. Of course I gave it my all in every phone call, virtual or in-person interview, but I couldn't maintain any expectations that "this was finally the one" because it hurt too much. Every email with "We've decided to persue other candidates who more closely match...." or any variations on that theme, came to mean I sucked. I sucked as a therapist, I sucked as an interviewee, I sucked as an employee, and eventually, I sucked as a human being. 

"Meh" became safe. "Meh" became comfortable. I could settle with "meh." My brain really liked "meh" so that infiltrated my self-talk, my view of myself, and my behavior. At the start of this job search I wanted to keep my sleep/wake routine and I did until "meh" took over. I was staying up until 11pm, getting up roughly 12 hours later; even if I was awake, I would lay in bed and watch You Tube shorts for hours. I played the one online game I play laying in bed, awake, but "meh", what was going to getting out of bed accomplish? 

I'm no longer in that space. Yes, being offered and accepting a great job helped, but during those 22 weeks I still had to keep my head above water. There were endless weeks when I could barely do that. I cried hard and often. I could only do that if I was in the bathroom with the fan on to drown out my sobbing or if I was sitting outside. For whatever reason, I still cry at times 3-4 days a week, but it's less intense and no longer includes the "I suck" message. I've kept seeing my shrink and am med compliant. I have ketamine therapy every two weeks. I use a vagal nerve stimulator which amazingly helps with emotional regulation.  

I spent last week, August 3rd through the 7th, in a 5-day intensive EMDR basic training for clinicians. My peers were great, the trainer was great and I knew her from previously working together, and I got to get the hell out of the house to simply talk with other people. Besides the vagal nerve stimulation to help me remain emotionally regulated, I've learned that I am such a social person, I need other people to feel fulfilled as a person. I need to be cognitively challenged (yes, that's total therapy jargon, but Rog and Shirl didn't pay $40,000 for graduate school for me to not use the jargon). 

I have started the same work routine tonight: I chose my clothes and jewelry for tomorrow, I have timed out when I will go to bed, when I'll wake up tomorrow and have taken into account my commute time.

I'm ready for this!! Let's rock 'n roll.  

Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho, It's Off to Work I Go

I start a new job tomorrow, Wednesday, September 16, 2020, ending 45 days of unemployment.

I didn’t shout from the roof tops that I was fired on July 31, 2020. Although it came as a shock, after a few hours I realized that this was one of those situations when the Universe, God, Karma, a Higher Power, whatever you choose to call “it”, intervened and made a decision for me my deep, inner-self knew I should make, but I didn’t have the courage to do so. I even said that in the message I left for my shrink. Although I loved the clients I worked with, the brass tacks of the “job” was becoming a shit-show I didn’t want any part of or responsibility for. My parting words there are: Good luck at the upcoming annual Federal review. You’re fucked.

I’m not naming my new employer so don’t even ask me. I’ve removed my profile from Linked In. I removed the previous agency where I worked from my employment history on Facebook and I no longer “follow” them. You won’t find the name of my new employer associated with me in any way on social media. I’ve been fucked too many times by employers trampling all over my First Amendment rights while I’ve never disclosed any PHI (Protected Health Information) or violated anyone’s HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) rights. Yet somehow, I managed to get myself in trouble with previous employers, particularly by what I write about in this blog.   

I am a storyteller. If you’ve ever had a conversation with me, you’ve encountered me “setting the background” of whatever it is I’m finally going to tell you or engage in conversation with you about. My case notes can be horrendously long if I’m not mindful of keeping it to the “Description, Affect, Plan”. I am well aware of the ethical boundaries of my profession regarding confidentiality. No one has ever accused me of violating anything related to inappropriate disclosure of PHI because I never have. Simple enough from my point of view.

I’ve documented something every day of the last 45. It could be whom I spoke with regarding Food Share or comparing insurance plans on the healthcare.gov marketplace. It could be how useless and disappointed in myself I felt because I could no longer provide my husband’s Part B for Medicare by having employer sponsored health insurance. It’s there and sometime in the future I’ll re-read all of it; just not when doing so feels like walking across a sea of grit.

Tomorrow I’ll get up, shower, do my make-up (minus lipstick because thank heaven we’re all still wearing masks at work), and try to do something with my hair that doesn’t look like it’s 1986 and hanging over my eyes. I choose my work clothes the night before which prevents me from standing in front of my closet and drooling in the morning while I attempt to make a shirt and a pair of pants not look like I’m walking off a golf course in 1974.

As you get up and go to wherever it is you work, remember that I’m with you. Starting something new.