Delivery Food, Glorious Delivery Food...?

One of the things I miss most about living in the Fox Valley, technically Menasha, is access to a significant number of restaurants that deliver good food. Really good Friday Fish Fries made with actual perch, local pizza, Chinese food, and Italian. Even if delivery wasn't an option, we were practically within walking distance of the usual fast food restaurants, and take out from Victoria's, one of our top 10 favorites, barely took 20 minutes round trip.

When we settled in Green Bay in the fall of 2019, eventually we wanted to try the take-out/delivery restaurant "scene". Remember this classic, from our first local delivery order:

This was the tilapia I ordered from a Mexican restaurant here. I'm still speechless. How was I supposed to eat this thing that, minus the breading, could have been caught on a fishing line an hour earlier? The spine and all those tiny fish bones are still in there. How was I supposed to navigate that? I don't have the skill set required to fillet and de-bone a fish. That's why I order it from restaurants people.

There have been a dozen mistakes with our orders since. Perkins has forgotten muffins, Dairy Queen forgot Mark's Peanut Buster Parfait (why would anyone order from Dairy Queen if it didn't include ice cream?), local restaurants near Lambeau Field have delivered hamburgers fried into hockey pucks. There's one restaurant close to Lambeau from where we ordered breakfast and my eggs benedict were not included. I called the restaurant and the person I talked to claimed to be the manager and said, "Stop in anytime and we'll give you the eggs benedict for free." Roughly three weeks later we stopped there for breakfast and the server and whoever was "in charge" that Sunday morning had no idea what I was talking about, and could not find any notes related to my allegedly free eggs benedict. I ordered something else, accepting that I will never get reimbursed the $13 I paid for the non-existent eggs nor will I ever get to eat the meal I am entitled to. 

Most recently we ordered from Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) for dinner last night, Friday 02/18/22. This is the confirmation text message I received:

Ok. This was good. We chose the delivery time of 6:45pm. Then at 6:31pm, I received this text message:

This was bad. Mark and I were expecting our meal within 15 minutes when I received this text message and I called the restaurant we had ordered from. I spoke with what sounded like a young woman and explained that I had just gotten a text that my order was cancelled and was wondering why. She said, "I'm sorry I can't really hear you. You're cutting in and out." I practically shouted, "Why was my order cancelled?" Employee: "What?? Your order cancelled? We ran out of chicken." One thing cell phones cannot provide is the satisfaction of slamming the phone receiver back into its cradle. I needed that. Instead all I could do was push the red disconnect button really hard with my thumb.

Yes, the ultimate irony: ordering chicken from Kentucky Fried CHICKEN only to be told they have run out of CHICKEN. If an item is in the very name of the restaurant, call me crazy, but I would assume that's the one food they would not run out of. Perhaps a more accurate name would then be, Kentucky Fried Sometimes-Chicken? Kentucky Fried (If We Don't Run Out) Chicken? The list could go on ad infinitum. 

To my absolute amazement, this morning I received an emailed customer satisfaction survey from KFC corporate headquarters. I tented my fingers, narrowed my eyes, and whispered gravely to myself, "Excellent" in the vain of Marty Burns. I was honest. Is it my fault that the correct response in every category was "Severely Disappointed"? No. I doubt I'll hear from them again, but if I should, I am prepared to relate this very story to them as well.