Tuesday, December 8, 2009

They did not live this day

A friend of mine's father died late last week and another friend of mine's father died earlier in the fall and it's got me thinking about loss. That and I'm taking Counseling for Grief and Loss this interim at school along with Peanut's declining health and it seems I can't get away from it. Within the last 2 weeks I've had two dreams that my grandmother died too and today the dream was so real I almost called one of my cousins to make sure that she's still among the living.
When I was younger and read obituaries in the paper it used to drive me crazy when there was wording like, "She went to be with her Heavenly father," or "He was accepted into the Lord's loving arms," and now I don't think those are odd things to write. In my young, logical head, I was screaming, "SHE DIED!" But as I've matured, and if the person who died believed that, now I think it's appropriate. Death is something we try to rationalize, and statements like these go against that human-grain and I like that. When we use phrases like, "you're strong; you'll get through it," we're basically telling the mourner not to grieve, but to rationally think their way out of their grief and that's wrong.
My first serious high school boyfriend died the weekend before Thanksgiving in 1991 and for a long time after that I was conscious of the fact that he did not live this day, he did not see the sunrise nor will he see the sunset. And then I started feeling grateful that I could've seen the sunrise this morning (had I been up early enough) and I will see the sunset tonight. And I pray to God everyday that I get the same opportunity tomorrow. But eventually we all run out of tomorrows. Everyone who knows you is going to die, including yourself. Why are we so afraid of it? Why won't we talk about it? Why do the grieving feel they need to isolate and why does society like it that they do? Because...everyone I know is going to die, including myself.
What are you going to do today that "they" could not?

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